Selfiephobia: Yeah...It's a Thing


Did you know that this is a real thing and that I'm not crazy?! I am uncharacteristically really. I have spent the sum of my life trying to blend in. At times I have failed miserably. However, on the selfie front, I have maintained my stance. This despite living in an era where social media abounds. This despite going against the status quo. This despite the fact that nearly every single person under the age of 85 owns a camera phone. Cameras at the ready are the bane of my existence...awaiting the capture of a millisecond of my life that quite frankly I'm fine just forgetting. 

Over the years I have asked myself where this fear of having my picture taken originated. The best answer is that I have absolutely no idea. Nevertheless, this doesn't diminish the misery I feel when having to sit through various sessions with photographers whether they be professional or amateur. Hearing, "Say cheese" or " Smile" invokes an inner whine that consistently translates into the pictures I am coerced into posing for. Trust me. It's not pretty.

The sheer number man hours people spend perfecting their Facebook and Instagram images is astounding to me. I do envy my friends who post gorgeous pics that appear effortless. As if they haven't taken 20-30 shots before settling on the perfect pic that could easily be mistaken for the cover shot of the latest Cosmo. Who are these people?! It doesn't exactly make my aversion to selfies any easier. Because it really does take 20-30 shots before I settle on a pic that I deem FB acceptable. My family knows that they post my pics at their own risk upon penalty of death if I hate them. Which, let's face it. I will. We have an understanding.

This brings me to Face Time...or as I like to call it pure unadulterated hell. For individuals like myself, Face Time and Skype are the equivalent of sitting through picture after picture, back to back, for an unrelenting amount of time. Why not just cut off my right arm because it's preferable to this ungodly torment. 

I have heard from some who don't know me that I am probably trying to hide something because I refuse to Skype. Seriously? What did people do way back (to 2003) when we had to actually meet and converse face to face? I am delightful in person and not too terrible to look at. When you actually see me in the flesh I won't be hiding behind Photoshop and I won't have the option of having 20 do-overs. 

We have come a long way since the rotary phone. I concede that Skype is reminiscent of George Jetson and Mr. Spacely' s video phones from the Jetson's and that is pretty cool. I honestly thought we'd be operating flying cars by now. But I will never relent my viewpoint on or my aversion to selfies or "video chatting." So please do a girl a solid and stop the madness!

Maybe I'm just someone who wants to live in the moment rather than seeing it through a camera lens. Maybe I don't need to document every detail of my life. Maybe I'm just a drama queen who need to get over herself.