Apr. 9, 2015

At middle age I find myself knowing exactly what I would like in a man. Other than my deal breakers such as finding a fella who has his priorities straight with God as his lead I am realizing more and more that a person's appearance is not as important as it has been in the past. In turn, I want a man who loves me for exactly who I am. I have gotten to the point in my life where I truly want someone who loves every part of me. Not just my appearance. Believe it or not its so much harder then one would think. I have never taken compliments well. That's no surprise, but when I am told I'm beautiful my first thought is that beauty fades and a solid relationship transcends time and our looks. I would rather be known as the person I am inside than out. 

Don'get me wrong. I enjoy a compliment every now and then. Who doesn't? But it does make me wonder if I'll ever find someone who sees past all of that and looks deeper. Is growing old with someone really too much to ask for?

I have joked in the past that I believe as we age our eyesight goes because it's God's little favor to us. Beauty fades, but so does our sight. Is ignorance really and truly bliss? Quite possibly! 

I gained weight a few years back because I had Cushings Syndrome. It was a miserable time for me. I didn't want to even leave my house. I was unrecognizable even to my family. I was ridiculed and told that I could take the weight off if I were more disciplined and less lazy. I didn't date for quite a while. Even when I got back to my usual self the experience took it's toll and opened my eyes.

Looking back, I lost so much confidence that I am slowly regaining. I kind of wish that I would have met a possible Mr. Right then because I would believe that he loved me for exactly who I was. Losing the weight would have just been a perk.;)

So now I'm getting better at not visibly wincing when I'm complimented, but I'm not going to lie. It's embarrassing. Are there actually fellas out there who aren't just obsessed with appearances? I have my doubts, but I'd love to be proven wrong.

The ball's in your court, gentlemen.