The Crises of Midlife Dating

Where to begin...

If you've read any of my of my previous posts about my dating life (or lack there of) it will not come as a shock to you that I am a bit ambivalent toward the entire ritual. I should preface the following with the admission that I did this to myself! 

I signed up for...wait for it... dun dun dun...Tinder! Oh the horror! I'll wait a second for my mother to pick her jaw up off the floor and for my brother to stop laughing. Jerk! Kidding. Sorta. ..............................Wink

Ok so it's been about a month and I have yet to take any of it seriously. Is that even possible? In all honesty it has been entertaining to say the least. For my happily married readers allow me to break it down for you. Tinder is essentially a catalog where you look at pics and a teeny, tiny profile and decide right then and there if...

A: this person is attractive.

B: they are your soul mate.

C:  they want children.

D: they are employed.

E: they are right or left winged.

F: they have a stance on Coke or Pepsi.

G: they have an exit strategy for the Middle East.

H: they wear boxers or briefs. (priorities people!)

I: they have a red room of pain. 

J: ...you get the idea.

Mind you, you had better be certain if you're swiping left because when they disappear they go to a land far far away never to return and you, my star crossed friend, are sadly out of luck. 

Lets pretend you have found "the one." Ok I could not even type that sentence without an eye roll. How about I change that to Mr. Right Now? So you've swiped right (You swiped right?!), the heavens open, the planets align, and they, too, have swiped right. You have a match made in internet heaven. Keep in mind we have just used up about three pecious minutes, and time being money and whatnot, you hope beyond hope that those were three minutes well spent.

Oh and they are. You message back and forth about riveting subjects such as the weather, hobbies, music, what you ate for lunch, etc. At this point we've invested a total of 15 minutes with a conversation that has spanned about a week, totaling approximately 8 messages. True story!

I am a very busy single mother with two jobs and a life. I am not in my 20's or even my 30's. I feel blessed that I didn't have social media in my younger years. But that being said, without dating sites I might as well join a flippin' convent (not that it hasn't crossed my mind...more than once).

I never liked blind dates when I was younger. That hasn't changed with age. In fact, I am much more hesitant now. With age comes wisdom. With age comes the intolerance for insincerity, dishonesty, and vanity (seriously...for the last time...put a shirt on!). Also fellas, serious question...what's with all of the pics of your truck tires, bikes, cars, boats? Maybe it's just me, but that just doesn't do it for me. 

These days I'm willing to bet that 75% of people meet online...and the other 25% are single. I get a lot of flack from my brother (who by the way hasn't dated in 15 years) about my dating life. God bless his beautiful and ignorant little heart. I love him, but I'm pretty sure he met his wife before the cell phone was invented.

So does this story come with a happy ending or a shocking plot twist?? The answer is found below. Sigh...

My single mid-lifers take heart. I jest, but I'm not so jaded that I can't believe Mr. Right isn't out there somewhere. I believe there is someone for everyone. Even this guy (shudder).

I mean the crazy need love too. Am I right? ;)