A Gift From Shattered Hearts
Today was an extraordinary day. The emotions I am currently feeling are as complex as they are overwhelming. My heart is bursting with a mixture of love, immense gratitude, heart-crushing sadness, awe, and relief.
Today's court proceedings were
going to leave shattered pieces in their wake. Nothing would change that. The big question was who these pieces were going to belong to. As much as I've wanted to pray that everything would go my way all these months, I knew that this couldn't be my intent.
As I nervously sat in the second row of benches in a courtroom at the Muskegon County Courthouse this morning, I listened as my son's biological parents selflessly gave up their rights to him. To say that I was stunned would be an understatement. I wasn't expecting this at all. Unable to look in their direction, I listened to the judge and lawyers speak to them about how proud they were of them, of how they were doing what was right for their littler boy. Abundant tears were flowing, not only out of my eyes, but from many around me, including the judge's.
So just like that, after two long years, it was settled. I would adopt. I am being blessed with the opportunity be Mommy to the most beautiful, rambunctious, energetic, and loving little stinker in the world. Words will never do justice to the overwhelming gratitude I am feeling. Today 100% of the glory goes to God. There is no other way to explain how it all unfolded. I had the audacity to doubt God this week and several times throughout this process. But as soon as I gave my worries to Him I felt nothing but peace. He showed me, yet again, that He always has a plan. That being said, the realization that my little guy is staying with me hasn't hit me quite yet.
Today I grieve. I mourn for the loss these parents are suffering. I hurt for relationships that will never be. I hurt for the doubt my son may have in himself when he is older and wants to know why he was given up. My heart is broken. Some day I will try to explain just how selfless my son's mom and dad were when he asks how he came to be with me. I hope that I will do them justice because they didn't take the easy way out. It was quite the contrary.
I was tearfully hugged and congratulated by many. There were a lot of very relieved and grateful souls who amassed more sleepless nights, man hours, and prayer than I could possibly count. Many thought this day would never come. I will forever be indebted to them. A simple "thank you" will never suffice. Yet, it isn't lost on me that the joy I feel is due to another's suffering.
I can't put their shattered pieces back together no matter how much I want to. All I can do is to raise our son to the best of my ability. I promise to raise him to know and love Jesus and pray for him daily. I promise to give him as many hugs, cuddles, and kisses as he'll allow. I promise to kiss every owie and hurt. I promise to not let him grow up too fast and make his childhood as special and memorable as possible. I promise to keep the eye rolls to a minimum when he develops the inevitable teen angst in the coming years. I promise to help him to seek God's will in everything. I promise to love him unconditionally and put his every need before my own. I promise that he will never know anything more than just how much his mommy and daddy loved him. I promise to never take his little life or heart for granted. He will grow up knowing he is loved and cherished always.
I don't know why things happen the way they do. I don't always understand God's plan. I could just as easily be sitting here giving my shattered pieces to God knowing that His plans are always right. But today I will grieve and pray for broken hearts and losses. I will pray that God will mend their sorrows and heal their hurt. Tomorrow is a new day, however, and I have a little boy who needs a mama.
I couldn't be more thankful that it's me.